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I am pretty sure I almost ended up a statistic, not one anyone wants to be…

I never imagined that it would happen to me. I thought I was smart, I thought I could read people. I was online dating and just meeting guys having fun, maybe making out once in a while but hadn’t found anyone I was ready to commit to. Some of them were really sweet, some of them not in the same place in life as me, and some were just not a good personality fit.

My “rules” for dating online were don’t meet a guy at his place so he does not have the advantage, and do not meet at my place so he did not know where I lived (even though the internet makes it pretty easy to find where anyone lives these days). Other rules, always be in public around other people, no secluded areas and don’t be overly intoxicated so I could “read the situation” better.  

One night I was partying a little with some friends and had a margarita and maybe a shot of tequila and decided to throw caution to the wind. This guy and I were texting and he asked if we could meet up. Not sure if I was a little sad seeing my friends with their spouses and boyfriends and felt a little sorry for myself or if the tequila was doing the talking but I agreed to meet him. Mistake number one, I allowed him to talk me into meeting him at his house.

When I got to the address I should have turned around because it was not a good neighborhood. A part of me felt bad because I didn’t want to be rude just because of where someone lived. I also had just recently denied a different guy a date because he showed up in a car that was not air conditioned on a 90 degree day and he showed up soaked in sweat (I just could not bear it). Anyways, I went to the door and knocked, he answered, I went in and had a slightly weird feeling. Probably if I didn’t have tequila earlier it would have been a much stronger feeling that would have sent me fleeing. There was practically no furniture in the house. I was not sure if the plastic was for the painting that appeared to not get done or to wrap my body up for dumping at the end of the night. The cleanliness was less than desired as well but I chalked it up to a bachelor’s life.

He was mediocre looking maybe a 6 and the conversation was an awkward jumble of single and partial words and sentences. Any other woman would have probably ran for the door if even making it this far. I was looking for anything to conjure up a conversation. Finally, I lay eyes on a Nintendo Wii. I said to him, “Oh wow, you have a Wii. Can we play?”. He miraculously said, “Yes, but you will have to connect it because I have no idea how it connects”. I was impressed that he was allowing me to connect it, even though I knew it was a quick and easy couple of plug-ins. No sooner did we agree to this and he was offering me a drink. I said sure, but asked for something in a bottle or can I could open myself (another one of my “rules”). But he got somber and said, “No, all I have is mixed drinks”. I felt guilty not accepting so I agree to the “mixed drink”. I began hooking up the Wii, turned around, and he is standing right there with the red cup in hand. I looked into the black/purple drink and it smells really fruity. There was no ice, it was super warm, but I took a sip. It was fruity and had a bit of an after taste. l couldn’t figure out what it was and took another sip. But it must have been pretty potent or the alcohol I drank previously made me a “cheap date” because I barely remember much after that. I blanked out. At one point I had one brief moment that I remember “coming to” and he was on top of me, I can’t remember if my clothes were on or off and I had no control over my movements. The next thing I remember is waking up the next morning…naked…wrapped tightly in a blanket with the worst headache ever. I was terrified! It took me time to begin moving almost like I was paralyzed or numb. I finally did start moving and my head was very cloudy and spinning. “Why am I naked wrapped in this blanket?”, I thought as I slowly unraveled myself. As I slowly sat up I began wondering why there were piles of paper towels everywhere, almost like a trail, up the stairs, to the bathroom, all around the basement, nothing was making sense at this point. As I slowly got my clothes back on I hear him walking around and muttering stuff. After dressing, I said to him, “What the fuck happened here? Did you drug me? Did you think to realize I am not even on birth control?”  “What the fuck happened?”, I insisted this time! Finally, he responded, “Nothing happened, you got really sick take a look around, all the paper towels were you”. I decided it wasn’t worth the conversation. The thought quickly entered but fleeted to say, “You will hear from the police or my lawyer”. But once again, not worth my effort. I just left…yes, I left… but my pride, my confidence, my self-preservation… that stayed right there in that awful place. 

I was so hurt to have allowed myself to be taken advantage of. At first I was mad at him. How could he do this to me? Taking advantage of a woman? So many emotions. Eventually, I began blaming myself. What was I thinking? How did I allow myself to fail at keeping myself safe, not following my “rules of online dating”? WTF is wrong with me? But I decided I cannot be so tough on myself. The healing journey has to keep moving and I can’t continue to beat myself up. I decided not to turn him in to the police or a lawyer, I did not want to admit my failures and put myself out there that way. I let it go. I decided to leave this in the past and keep moving forward. Some days easy, some days difficult. Either way just keep going forward. There is no use rehashing the past. It only makes us bitter and depressed. Instead I used this as a lesson. Take more time to think through things, follow the “rules” that I established for myself, and take red flags at face value. Your gut instinct in these circumstances is usually right.